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I love soccer especially watching it. It is even more exciting
when you have a brother who is on a soccer team. It seems like all my weekends are now devoted to cheering on my brother.
It’s not that funny until you see it. But you know its like I know the players, they’re all really nice. The team
seems to enjoy our chants a lot to, and I guess I like it a lot too. It’s just kind of hard not to get into it you know.
So the Gorillas, my brothers soccer team, won the Region championship, got second in the Area championships, and now were
waiting till March, the month of my birthday, for the Section Championships. So now I’ll have to wait a few months till
the chanting…Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas! Gorillas!
Gorillas!Gorillas!Gorillas!Gorillas!Gorillas!Gorillas!
You have two cows...
DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your
neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANISM
You
have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The
government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You
have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get
it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell
one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under
the new farm program the government
pays you to shoot one, milk the
other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two
cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce
the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement
to the analysts stating
you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have
two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is
good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
size
of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most
are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer
them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately
they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year
and visit the American Notional Parks.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You
have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break
for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You
count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have
42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You
have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature's private
parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the
money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They
send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly
maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is
schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share
with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to
be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone
votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown
one best accidentally vote for
the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure
out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you
think is the best-looking
cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only
five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
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